Pure Love

Ready for Aunt Julie's house!

My oldest niece is six years old and I cannot even begin to describe how much I love her.  She stole my heart from day one and I can honestly say that I would die for her; I love her that much!   When my younger sister told me she was pregnant, I just had no idea how much this baby would change my life.  I never thought it would be possible to love a child so much that wasn't "mine."

When Hailey was born, I was not married nor did I have any children of my own.   In fact, I was in this odd place in my life where I didn't really know what to do next.  I was not happy with my job at the time and I had recently been through some significant health issues that resulted in multiple surgeries, leaving me overwhelmed and exhausted.  So, I felt compelled to seek some rest and try something new.  I didn't plan out what happened next, it just... happened.

In a matter of weeks, I found myself turning in my resignation at work, selling my condo, and moving back home with my parents.  A few weeks later, I found myself taking on the role of becoming Hailey's "nanny" while my sister went back to work.   A lot of people thought I was crazy!  I admit, it was a little unusual to do all of this.  The term "stay-at-home aunt" has probably never been used before.  But at the time, it felt like the right thing to do.  And now, looking back, I realize it was God ordained.

I kept Hailey full-time for several months when she was a baby and every day I would rock her to sleep, pray over her and sing "There's Something about that Name."  This song is an old gospel hymn that repeats the name of Jesus again and again in a soothing, calming way.  Here are some of the words: "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, there's just something about that Name; Master, Savior, Jesus, like the fragrance after the rain; Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, let all heaven and earth proclaim; that kings and kingdoms may all pass away, but there's something about that Name."  She loved that song and fell asleep to it many times. 

During those precious months, I had no other real responsibilities to distract me from taking care of her.  She had my undivided attention the entire time.  She never slept alone.  Every time she fell asleep, which was a lot, she was in my arms.  And I would just watch her face.  I took her to the store on occasion, but mostly we just stayed at home.  It was in the spring and we spent a lot of time on the hammock outside, rocking back and forth watching the birds and the butterflies and the wind blowing through the trees. Time stood still.  I was able to just "be" and to be filled with love.

It wasn't long before my mother, "Mimi," decided to quit her job and stay home with Hailey and I was able to find a full-time job.  By the time I actually moved out and bought a house, I had grown quite attached to Hailey and she to me.  Soon after I moved, my mom called me on the phone one day and said that Hailey wanted to talk to me.  Though she could barely talk yet, mom passed the phone to her and she said "Hi, Ju Ju."  Then her voice became sad and she said "Come home, Ju Ju, come home."  It almost made me cry!  She didn't understand why I had moved.  To her, it was wonderful and normal for both my mom and I to be there for her while her mommy went to work.  I tried to explain it to her, why I had to leave, but she didn't understand:)

Over the years, she has frequently made trips across town to "Aunt Julie's" house to spend the night on the weekends and she is always brimming with excitement to visit me.  We have bonded greatly and she is well aware of how much I love her.   And each night, before she falls asleep at my house, she asks me to sing her favorite song.  Yes, that's right, the "Jesus song."  So I do.  And I sing, "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, there's just something about that Name;  kings and kingdoms will all pass away, but there's something about that Name."  And every time, she falls asleep while I am singing to her. 

One night, after she fell asleep, I just watched her face for a few moments to make sure she was really asleep.  And it was right there in that moment that God spoke to me.  Powerfully!   The name of Jesus is full of Power.   The mere mention of His name can calm the storm, heal the broken, raise the dead.  And so He spoke to me and told me that He loved me so much that it was impossible for me to fully comprehend how much.  He told me that He loved me so much that He would die for me, that He did die for me.  That He came here to earth and He was mocked by people who didn't understand Love.  Though I had heard this message in church before, there was something different about it that night.  It was in the context of Hailey.

You see, my love for Hailey is not motivated by anything selfish.  Not at all.  It is just... pure.  She has been through the talk too much phase, not cleaning up phase, not going to bed on time phase, etc.  It's not about how well she behaves... it is just pure.  She has been through the no front teeth phase, the hair slicked back with a hairband phase, the pants too short phase, the tacky socks phase.  It's not about how she looks... it is just pure.  My love for Hailey isn't about me either, she's not even "mine." 

I think God's love takes on a different meaning when we start to realize that we have within us the capacity to love deeply with no selfish motivations, no motivation at all, except pure love.  Sometimes I think about how hard it must have been for Jesus to give up everything to come to earth and die for us.  He humbled Himself, came to dwell with us, entered in to our world.  He was judged, mocked, misunderstood, rejected by many.  How did He keep His focus?  He kept His focus because of His pure and selfless Love. 

 

So that night, I learned some good lessons, through many tears of hope.  Pure Love is an eternal treasure and though kings and kingdoms will all pass away, Love will remain.  His Love for me is unbelievably deep!  And He will place a deep capacity for selfless Love within all those who call on His name. 

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As for the lessons I learned as Hailey's aunt and "nanny," I guess sometimes it is good to set aside the distractions of life and become open to what God is calling us  to do or "be," regardless of what other people might think.  Sometimes we have to put off seeking the praises of men and go after the thing that is pure.  Sometimes we just have to push through the feelings of sadness about the losses in our own life and invest in the life of another.  Sometimes we may be surprised when we encounter God in an unexpected moment and experience His gift of pure Love!  And if we keep our eyes and our focus on Love, we will make it through.